As a former family lawyer with nearly 20 years of experience I know that emotions play a key role in the difficult and complex process of unravelling a relationship. Previous family attachments are being severed or at best reconfigured and it is a difficult and emotionally draining experience. Stress levels run high and negative emotions abound. With this as a backdrop clients are asked to consider and make decisions that will potentially affect the course of the rest of their lives. This is not an ideal recipe for making good creative decisions. I often witnessed people becoming entrenched in their views. Once entrenchment happens then it can escalate to a win at all costs situation. This is an expensive road to travel both financially and emotionally.
As a Lawyer I recognised these issues and its impact upon the instructions that I received from clients. Dealing with such issues could often divert attention from the Lawyers job of actually advising on the law. I saw first-hand how costs could be driven up not by complexity but by the level of animosity between the separating parties. It was as a result of my observations that I began to explore alternative ways of managing the process to lessen the emotional impact and focus on a positive outcome from the ending of a relationship.
I became interested in the coaching process with its emphasis on providing unbiased non-judgemental support. I liked that it focused mindfully on the here and now and encouraged active engagement in planning and considering positive goals. I saw how this pro-active positive, forward focused support could really make a difference to couples going through a relationship breakdown.
The process allows time for reflection, but then encourages people to apply this learning going forward. It provides constructive tools that people can use again and again to help them manage their emotions and remain positive about themselves and their future. It can help to reconstruct a more positive inner world for the client. A self-reflective journey to a better understanding of who they are and where they now wish to head.
I believe that such mindful assistance at this cross roads in a person’s life is crucial. Better decisions are made when the process can be dealt with in a mindful way from a place of responding rather than reacting. Good decisions made during the breakdown of a relationship mean better long term outcomes not only for the people directly involved but also for their children and wider family. If by using a divorce coach the impact of the process can be lessened and the scars healed more quickly this can only be a good thing.
My years of being a Lawyer now sit behind my Mindfulness based Coaching practise providing me with a sound base and understanding of the complexity of the system and process so that I can provide the right level of support at the right time.